What's in a name?

I've been meaning to post for days. In fact, I've been itching to. But, I guess that's what happens when you have a little human hogging up you time, not that I resent her, of course.

In any case, I've been thinking about the name that I have chosen for this digital record and kind of want to discuss it a bit. If for no other reason than to keep my thoughts in order and keep them on record.

Like I said in an earlier post, I studied and got my degree in (oh, don't I sound pretentious!) in French language and linguistics. That said, it is my favorite language, even more than my own. So in choosing a name, the language was certainly a no-brainer. Now, I'm sure those francophiles will notice my article disagreement, but I assure you it was intentional. The word "Phénix" has no female article, which to me is just silly since by definition a Phoenix has to be female. So, eventhough it is technically incorrect, I chose to use "la" instead of "le" because I am referring to myself or- at least- a representation of myself.

I wanted to pick something that represented me, both who I am now and who I am to become, thus the Pink Phoenix. My favorite color and symbol of rebirth. But, musing about it at length the other day, I decided it works in another way as well: because "phénix" sounds exactly like its English counterpart, said orally "rose" gives the connotation of rising from the ashes. I like that. A pink phoenix that has risen. Well, in my case I'm not sure if I have risen yet but I'm sure that day will come.

ciao,
La Phénix Rose

I Contain Multitudes

I believe the best way to begin my journey is to dissect myself in order to better understand where I'm going. I think the best way to go about this is by free writing so the following may not make sense.

The first thing I remember wanting to be as a child is an artist. I've always had a fascination with making things. The creative process had always been engrossing. In middle School I designed my own clothes and dolls and would painstakingly hand sew them late at night to TCM showings of Classic Films like An American in Paris, Gigi, and Singing in the Rain. That was a great summer.

For years I kept sketchbooks and notebooks filled with dozens of ideas. Stories, pictures, comics, outfits... Then one day, sometime during my freshman year of college, I just stopped. It's sad really. What happened? Did I get lazy? Did I run out of creative juice? I don't know. One think I do know is that I need to get back to that because l remember that feeling- that sheer satisfaction- of completing something, of unleashing something from the depths of your psyche is unique and unfathomably delicious. That's right, I described a feeling like one would a pie. I need to get back to that, I need to regain that sense of self that only such an accomplishment can provide. Je dois redevenir une créatrice.

Oh, yeah, and I need to find some way to use my French degree.

On to things I know I like :

Art-Including but not limited to~
°Fashion
°Graphic
°Dance
°Music
°Film
°Crafting
°Photography

It's safe to say that I,m interested in the beautiful. The beauty around me, the beauty others make, and (perhaps nacissistically,) the beauty I make myself. It may seem broad in scope, but I suppose that is what this "digital record" (Oh, how I loath the term Blog!) will be about: my re-emergence of self through artistic endeavors. Thus, the Pink Phoenix. But more about that later, It's time to spend time with my beau. n_~ Ciao à tous!

Genesis

Life happened to me all at 0nce. Within a week, I had graduated College, earned my bachelors degree in French, and given birth to my first daughter, Maxine. Indeed, within seven days my identity had drastically changed. So much so that I have realized in these short four months that I'm in need of a major self rediscovery.

Now, I love my daughter more than life itself, but this isn't about her. It's about me. About becoming the person I want to be so I can be the mother she deserves. Now, I will more than likely mention her every now and then, but this isn't one of those parent-obsessed-with-their-kid Blogs. It is a tool for rebirth. And if someone would like to tag along for the ride, so be it.

It's high time for this phoenix to rise out of the ashes. Here I go.